she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize