hell yes lets make some ravioli
Welp...herpes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
