no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize