Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
