So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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