I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
