oh god the rape fog is back!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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