I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
