rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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