Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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