just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
