someone threw a dead crab at me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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