the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize