he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
