oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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