theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
