everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
