How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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