U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
