Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
