I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
