some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
