He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
