shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize