Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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