Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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