My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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