You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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