last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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