Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
