why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
