did you get engaged???
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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