this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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