You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
