I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
