My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i believe in u and ur pee
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
