the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize