so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
