and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
