Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
