I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
