she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
