she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
