Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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