He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
