I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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