K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
