I want to walk on stilts...naked
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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