i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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