We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
