have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
