she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
