i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
