I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
