guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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