I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
