he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
