I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
