he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
