could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Still dying that you shit outside
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
