Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
