How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
