is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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