my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
