Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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