I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
