I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
