ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize