I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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