a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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