I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
